


How Amnesia Was Invented

by Po_ta_toes



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Aziraphale and Crowley Met Before The Fall (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Crowley is on a journey to get his angel to love him again, Fluff and Angst, Implied Relationships, M/M, Multiple chapters, basically Aziraphale loses his memories
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 03:48:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19782628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Po_ta_toes/pseuds/Po_ta_toes
Summary: God's ineffable plan couldn't exactly get a move on without two angels becoming forbidden lovers, and so, according to plan, she had one of them fall.aka the one where Crowley and Aziraphale already knew each other before the Fall and it adds onto the angst this show had already riddled my heart with





	1. Chapter 1

Most love stories start off with the two soon to be star-crossed lovers meeting and slowly falling in love on our way to the end of the story, and if not, until the end of said story's series. It's always been a slow burn to something wonderful, and sometimes even something wonderfully horrible if, by the end of the story, the two lovers are not together. Well, our story for today doesn't start out that way. Our lovers have already met, and are already in love. 

Principality Aziraphale and Archangel Raphael were inseparable before Creation. Roaming around up in Heaven, singing each other songs, and not having a care in the universe, both angels were my first ever try at creating soulmates. My ineffable game started here, pulling a few strings here and there to see how something ticks or how somehow quacks. By the time Aziraphale and Raphael found solace in each other, I already had something in mind for Earth. 

And then that's when the Revolution in Heaven started.

As I was first starting my building blocks for life on Earth, several angels had already sided against my plan. My son, Lucifer, being among them. With him in the lead, the opposers refused to love humanity over me, and so my other children took up arms in fighting one another until the troubled ones fell. I had to punish Lucifer first, as a warning to the others. Using the tears I bore over losing my eldest child, I created Lucifer's cage in Hell. And after he fell, as did his followers.

To ask if I had a say in whether or not Raphael was meant to be hanging around the wrong crowd is a wonderful question. Was Raphael's Fall ineffable? I remember that he asked a lot of questions, but he never had any intention of rising up against me if it meant leaving Aziraphale. Unfortunately, I had other plans for our two star-crossed lovers. And believe me, I knew it was going to be a _very_ long story. 

When some of my angels fell, they each took on a different characteristic from one of my many creations on Earth. In a way, it was meant so that even my farthest children could always be a part of my plan for this world. When Raphael fell, his eyes had changed to a golden hue with blackened slits for pupils. Raphael's new form became my inspiration for snakes.

The only thing I did not have a say in, however, was the anger left behind by the winning angels. Some wanted a change of heart when it came to how they would watch over my creations and some did not want a repeat of the war and so went to great measures to make sure that never happened. Some angels realized that if there are always going to be those that remember what was before, then there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be. And so, to avoid any more rebellious nature, the angels took it upon themselves to wipe away all memory of their fallen angels, replacing those memories with a false history. When they opened their eyes, the angels only remember fighting against rogue angels that all fell into Hell to become demons. 

And down in those dark depths, poor Raphael mourned for his angel. He wished nothing more than to be back in Heaven, by Aziraphale's side for all eternity. As his wings began to molt into darkness, as his robes began to smell of sulfur and his nails began to sharpen into claws, the other demons gave him a new name. Like the angels above erasing their memory in order to create new ones, the demons down below no longer wanted their heavenly names and created new ones to start something new. Raphael's new name could shake the bones of a frail human. It could tuck the tail between a dog's legs and thrash a boat against the opposing sea. 

_"Crawly. Get up there and make some trouble."_

Current theories on the creation of the universe state that if it were created at all and didn't just start, as it were, unofficially, it came into being about 14 billion years ago. The Earth is generally supposed to be about 4 and a half billion years old. These dates are incorrect. Some medieval scholars put the date of the creation at 3760 BC. Others put creation as far back as 5508 BC. Also, incorrect. Archbishop James Ussher claimed that the Heaven and the Earth were created on Sunday, the 21st of October, 4004 BC, at 9:00 a.m. This too was incorrect, by almost a quarter of an hour. It was created at 9:13 in the morning. Which was correct. The whole business with the fossilized dinosaur skeletons was a joke the paleontologists haven't seen yet. This proves two things. Firstly, that God does not play dice with the universe. I play an ineffable game of my own devising. For everyone else, it's like playing poker in a pitch-dark room, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. Secondly, the Earth is a Libra. The entry for Libra in The Tadfield Advertiser on the night our history begins reads as follows: 

_"You may be feeling run down and always in the same daily round. A friend is important to you. You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today, so avoid salads. Help could come from an unexpected quarter."_

This was perfectly correct on every count, except for the bit about the salads. To understand the true significance of what that means, we need to begin earlier. A little more than 6,000 years earlier, to be precise. Just after the beginning. It starts, as it will end, with a garden. In this case, the Garden of Eden. And with an apple.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, that went down like a lead balloon."

He wanted to see Aziraphale more than anything else in existence. When the demons told him to head up and make some trouble, he did so knowing that he was going to see his angel again. He approached the angel in his new form, the great serpent. The repulsive snake that was able to tempt God's purest creations to damnation. Crawley, even as a demon, was always one to make a dramatic entrance. And he knew Aziraphale was one to always make pure and innocent fun of him for it. Aziraphale was actually the first to ever make fun of his dramatic entrances, his first comment to a young Raphael walking up to him being, _"Well, that went down like a lead balloon."_

So, of course, Crawley thought to repeat his lover's own quotes would make one Hell of an entrance that could only lead to one happy reunion. Crawley hasn't seen Aziraphale since before the Earth was created, since before his Fall. He was expecting Aziraphale to cry out of happiness and joy and pull the demon into the most crushing hug that not even a snake such as himself can mimic. 

"Sorry, what was that?"

Crawley finally looked over at him, heart skipping. Aziraphale looked the same. Blessed white and glowing with holiness, his marbled face was staring _right_ into Crawley's eyes with utter confusion. There wasn't a hint of recognition behind those glorious eyes Crawley will always love, as an angel and even a demon. Crawley wondered if he actually looked more different than from his angel form in order for Aziraphale not to recognize him. 

He decided to repeat himself, hoping a second time would get a better reaction out of the angel, "I said, 'Well, that went down like a lead balloon'."

Aziraphale slowly nods, both trying to avoid eye contact and trying to be kind and smile all at once, "Yes, yes, it did, rather."

Crawley scoffs. Surely he didn't look _that_ unrecognizable, and even if he was his angel would have picked up on their own little lead balloon joke. Was Aziraphale pretending not to know him? "Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me. First offense and everything. I can't see what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway."

Aziraphale hesitates before acting in defense, "Well, it must be bad..."

He trails off and oh. _Oh_. Crawley sees that look in Aziraphale's eyes and he's giving him a window to introduce himself. That look... could he really not recognize him? Could he... Aziraphale's expression went far beyond not recognizing him. It was a look you would always flash to a stranger when they try to make conversation with you.

Crawley's heart wanted to cry out and turn to dust at his own realization. Aziraphale didn't know him. He doesn't just not recognize him... he doesn't _remember_ him...

 _'Say something. Anything,'_ Of course. He had heard that some angels have had their memories wiped clean in order to retain, well, order among those still Heaven. Crawley didn't think much of it until now, as he's staring into his lover's eye... eyes that didn't _know_ him, "Crawley," the demon tipped his head in greeting, the smirk on his face too small and too tight to be considered real as he tried to hide the way his heart was quite literally breaking.

"Crawley," the demon cursed inwardly for even introducing himself with that name as Aziraphale continued, "Otherwise, you wouldn't have tempted them into it."

"Oh, they just said, 'Get up there and make some trouble'," Crawley looked back out onto the vast sea of sand, avoiding Aziraphale's gaze like a plague that hasn't even been invented yet. Denial sets in as he's trying to come up with a good explanation. Maybe Aziraphale was really just pretending, but Crawley knows his angel. He knows Aziraphale is the worst actor in all of early history. He wasn't playing some practical joke, angels don't do that. 

"Well, obviously. You're a demon. It's what you do."

That hurt far more than Crawley could care to admit as he tries masking it, "Not very subtle of the Almighty, though. Fruit tree in the middle of a garden with a "Don't Touch" sign. I mean, why not put it on the top of a high mountain? Or on the moon? Makes you wonder what God's really planning."

"Best not to speculate," Aziraphale dotes on him defensively, the awkward facade giving way since the angel clearly didn't have an ounce of rudeness in his body and couldn't just chase the demon away, "It's all part of the Great Plan. It's not for us to understand. It's ineffable."

Crawley's mouth curls in distaste, "The Great Plan's ineffable?" He hated that word, especially coming out of Aziraphale's mouth. He still couldn't understand, as the denial quickly switched to anger, why the angel would purposefully try to forget Crawley or Raphael or whoever the Hell everyone addresses him as now. Aziraphale is an angel who could sense and give love, and he loved Raphael. Why would he ever want to forget him? Anger threatens to boil over into Crawley's features, but the demon tries not to physically give in as to not frighten the angel. The rage just wants to spill out and demand Aziraphale to answer every question the demon has for him. Was Aziraphale disappointed in him? Did he not want anything to do with Crawley now that he's fallen? Did he no longer love him? Did he hate the demon so much for falling that he volunteered to wipe his memories?

"Exactly," Aziraphale explains but Crawley wasn't listening as his eyes scale downwards on the angel's frame, trying to keep his mind out of those angry thoughts while seeing something wrong with this picture of his angel, "It is beyond understanding and incapable of being put into words."

The realization hits Crawley, "Didn't you have a flaming sword?"

Aziraphale's face falls, looking around nervously, "Uh..."

"You did. It was flaming like anything," Crawley should know. He always remembered Aziraphale with it. He doesn't remember a time where he hadn't seen the angel without it, "What happened to it?"

"Uh..."

The anger Crawley had previously felt bled into the devilish smirk he protruded while watching Aziraphale squirm with amusement, "Lost it already, have you?"

Aziraphale continues to avoid Crawley's gaze as he whispers, "Gave it away."

"You _what_?"

"I gave it away," Crawley stares at him in amazement, a more genuine smile gracing his face as he watches the angel ramble in adoration. Maybe Aziraphale hasn't changed after all, "There are vicious animals. It's going to be cold out there. And she's expecting already. And I said, "Here you go. Flaming Sword. Don't thank me. And don't let the sun go down on you here". I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing."

"Oh, you're an angel. I don't think you can do the wrong thing," and it was the truth. Crawley almost said so with defeat as the depression kicked in. His angel had never done a single wrong thing in all their lives. And it hurts to think that maybe it wasn't the wrong thing for Aziraphale to wipe his memory of Raphael away.

Relief spreads over Aziraphale's expression as his posture suddenly melts with grace, "Oh, oh, thank-- oh, thank you. It's been bothering me."

The feeling Crawley felt now was content. Acceptance. Already, the demon had gone through the five stages of grief that haven't even been invented yet. "I've been worrying, too. What if I did the right thing with the whole "eat the apple" business? A demon can get into a lot of trouble for doing the right thing. It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh?" Aziraphale looks back at Crawley while curiously watching the demon's smile. He had been wondering during this whole conversation as to why the demon smiled as if he knew a secret Aziraphale didn't, "If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

Aziraphale hesitates before laughing, and suddenly Crawley feels his heart reform and engorges at the angel's laugh. Aziraphale suddenly takes his words into consideration and the laugh stops abruptly, "No. It wouldn't be funny at all."

Crawley shrugs, "Well."

There's a sound that shatters the ground from up in the sky and suddenly water is raining down on them. Crawley's heart almost stops in a panic as he briefly wonders if this was holy water. But before he could fully freak out and run for cover, he sees Aziraphale out of the corner of his eye spread his wing over Crawley's head, and the demon instinctively scoots close to the angel. Without another word, the two just stare out into the desert, watching Adam and Eve slowly turn into two dark spots in the distance as the rain continues to pour down on them. Crawley sighs as the familiar closeness. Not exactly pressed up against Aziraphale but hovering close, it felt like home again. It felt like he was Raphael again. The acceptance to his grief blankets over him like Aziraphale's wing as the demon closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

_'It's okay. Everything will be okay...'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know. But I have so much more in store for this story and I can't wait to share it all :)


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